listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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