What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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