FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
