she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
