Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
