he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
