I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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