I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
