its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
