I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
