I think my fart just growled at me.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
She needs sedatives and a leash
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize