I love black thongs
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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