oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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