why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
