Dual....:-)
Do you still have your period?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
