i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
