my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
