I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
