the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Randomize
