We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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