just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
