we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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