I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
