i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
