I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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