just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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