Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
