just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
