so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
