Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
