he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
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Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
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He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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