good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
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