There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.