I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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