Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.