Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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