There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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