That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
