I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
