I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize