i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
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Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Sorry my hands just texted you
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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