she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
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