OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
