Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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