What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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