i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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