I bet he comes in French.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
