If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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