i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
