discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
