Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
We need to get me chipped asap
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
