How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He? As in you personified your dick?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
