he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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