Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
