Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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