just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
