you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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