i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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