We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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