I think I won the penis lottery.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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