addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
