Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
