Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i came on her dog
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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