just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
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