Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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