So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
