She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
