i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
