I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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