Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
