I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
