You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
