You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
